Translation - By NGO Fontana staff.

PARENT, WHEN I FALL

HAVING CAME TO BINH MINH CENTER, THANH DA, HCM, WE HAD CHANCE TO MEET YOUNG ADDICTS. THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT REASONS LEADING THEM TO DRUGS, INCLUDING OF LACKING OF CARE FROM FAMILY. THIS IS MAIN REASON CAUSING THEM TO DRUGS

When I fall, please don’t push me more

At the age of teenager without recognising who bad friends or good friends are, Ngoc Van (Mong Dung) heard the whisper in her ear from her friends: “try this; it is easy for you to learn your lessons from your school by your heart”. Van had very high regards for her friends, so she did not refuse any advice or request from them.  After 2 years using while in 12 grades, Van became a drugs addict. School where Van was studying informed her condition to her family. After some minutes of being astonished, her parents forced her to leave school, and then clocked her at home

Van was really shock not because of craving drugs, but because of parents’ attitude. Van could take money at any time in cupboard where parents saved for their children’s expenses. Van said in regret that: “If only my parents managed their money strictly as I had took money for drugs for a long time, but they could not find out”. Van’s parents did not listen to her because she became an addict now. Van felt treated not like a normal human beings when her parents clocked her at home. After being clocked for a while, Van ran away from home. She came to her addict friends and used drugs as though the way to react to parents’ attitude. After spending all money she had, Van returned home. Her sisters and brothers kept away from her. They were afraid that she may have stolen something. Finally parents decided to take her into rehabilitation center. They were willing to pay rather than to suffer from her addiction.

The reason why a child started using drugs normally comes from wrong education: such as overprotecting, over controlling… Once they become addicts, they can’t stand up by themselves. When most parents recognize their child’s addiction, they become angry, shocked, and felt shame… Thanh Ha, 17 years old shared: “my mother become unconscious when knowing my addiction. She had my disease treated at home by an experienced doctor. However my mother kept telling me and everyone how useless and bad I am”.

Most parents want to hide the addiction of their children. That makes children feel they have no value, they are crimes who make family’s honor lost. They lose their confidence and their determination to face their addiction.

Many families think if their children can use drugs themselves, they can stop themselves. They find many ways to isolate their children when they first heard of children’s addiction. They isolate children by sending to relatives living far away or send children to abroad to study… What they do is to uplift children, but they never get successful as addict children don’t feel they sympathy and understand them. They think that they are receiving punishment from their parents instead love. Taking addicts to rehabilitation center is the last way of parents when they can’t find they are powerless in front of children’s addiction.

Addicts are like enemies to anyone. They cause a lot of troubles for society like stealing, crime, lying… In brief, they have threatening behaviors for everyone. Only loving and merciful natures of mothers can help addicts away from drugs, but parents experience to much suffer from children’s addiction. However they don’t receive any education and information about drugs addition. A 19 year old addict boy, Thai Vu’s (Duc) mother suffered great misery about her son. She shares in grieves: “he asks me to promise this and that, otherwise he ruins everything. Dinh Thang’s mother tried to earn money for her son’s addiction as he has been pampered since his childhood. Tran Dat’s mother wished: “if he can stop using, I can feed him all the rest of his life. He doesn’t need to go to work”, but each time taking him out of center, she is worried: “I can’t sleep. I am worried either he is at home or outside”. It seems that parents can manage the expenses for their addict child without responsibilities and alertness to find an effective solution for child’s addiction.

After using drugs for a certain time, most addicts want to stop, but they don’t know how. This is only positive point for them to get right help, treatment, but not punishment, discrimination or pities.

See them as patients

At the rehabilitation center named Binh Minh, Thanh Da, patients are familiar with Ragnar Larusson, a senior counselor from Denmark. They admire him as a hero. They call him uncle, teacher and father…

Ragnar is an expert of 12 step program called NA (Narcotics Anonymous), an highly effective program in over the world at this moment. This program entered VietNam since 2006 and it has been applying in Binh Minh rehabilitation center

With parents, Ragnar shares: “youths are having risk falling into addiction in general: such as drugs, alcohol, game, race… Addiction is considerate as disease, so this disease may come back at anytime even though one may have a long recovery. When parents think it is disease, they will pay attention to find a good retreat to cure this disease rather than feel shame and sorrowful. When patients relapse, they forget all promises they had with anyone. They are stuck in the circle of “cheer – use drugs – sadness – use drugs to be cheerful”. Addict’s families should face with this problem. Parents should not deny, or have too much expectation from addicts. What families should do is to find where they can send their children for treatment. The right treatment is to help addicts to have responsibility for their addiction”

Ragnar used to be an alcohol addict and he could stop until now. He is always honest with patients: “I am an addict, but I am clean and sober now. However I am still an addict. I never refuse this reality as I know once I start, I can’t stop”.

The first step in NA program with Ragnar’s training in Binh Minh, patients admit that they were powerless over our addiction that their lives become unmanageable. They can’t stop using drugs themselves. They need help from counsellors or “clean and sober” addicts who well understand their disease.

After attending this NA program, many addicts stopped using drugs. However it is not the question of stopping to use drugs, but the question of keeping themselves “clean and sober”. After 10 years of addiction, Hoang Dung (Nghia) stopping using drugs for over 2 years says: “I am never objective and sure that I can stop using forever for the rest of my life. That is why I always keep close connection with counsellors and the “clean” group with those who are like me. We often have meeting with each other so that we can share our feelings and our difficulties”

Ngoc Thao (Duy) shares his experiences: “I always remember that I am an addict and maintain my feelings so that I don’t feel too happy or too sad. I always remind myself of my addiction. Addicts implicit to allow them to use drugs in their sub consciousness if they forget they are addicts”

Families are the most important factor for those who are clean and sober. Many clean addicts wish to receive love and sympathy from their families. They wish their family can share and understand them. But they don’t dare to ask for acceptance from the family as they know that they caused too much trouble and sorrow for their families when they used drugs. Parents, please don’t let your clean addict children have to be grieved in their waiting for forgiveness!!!